It's 1am. What am I doing? I cannot believe that Rayson is talking to me on the phone while I am blogging. He sounds like... I don't know. I find it very funny. I told him time and again that I hate him. And I truly do. When I am out and down, I'll definitely pick up his calls. I get to scream at him and hurl all sorts of vulgarities at him and ultimately hang up. My vocabulary of vulgarities, built up from secondary school, are rusty but not forgotten. He is nothing to me, means almost nothing to me but I know if I demand him to do anything, he would.

He says he is celebrating his birthday next Wednesday. Asked me along to dbl o to club. He invited his police friends and all his zoo mates. Then I am apparently the only girl. So, I probed further and found out that those zoo mates asked him to bring girls along so they can enjoy the night. He says he is going to stick on to me. I told him that that would diminish my opportunities for the night, to a great extent. He says what the fuck. Damn hilarious. So I said fuck you shut up bye. I really enjoy pissing him off. I would say that, put aside all the shit he had put me through in secondary school, he is sort of a good friend. Of course he called again. I can tell him about Edmund. I do talk to him about Edmund. :)

Like I told Kingley this evening when he called me for his occasional checks on me, recently, I have been thinking about Edmund. I am concerned about him. I can always call or sms, yes, but..... hahahaahaa... laugh it off.

There are times in which conversations are about Singaporean girls not dating enough, causing themselves to be single since forever or driving guys to become gays. How true is this? I do hang out with guys but being friends is so much better than progressing into something else.

Jearlene is supposed to call me. She never lah! She is supposed to intercept the Rayson call. Though she has no knowledge of her purpose now. I am tired and can hang the phone up now.

There are many many girls and guys that care for me. I appreciate that as much as I am flattered. How I miss the feeling... the feeling of loving someone. At this moment, the feeling of being loved is not being yearned for. Loving Edmund was... was really, I didn't know I was capable of all that, on hindsight.

Forgive me, for I know I shouldn't blog about these. There are many that should never read this post, for some reason or another. Yet, I have no other avenue.