When is The Day gonna come?

These days haven't been the best of days for me. In fact, it was much filled with soul reflecting periods as well as being in a stage of confusion and contradiction. It is an ordeal. It is painful. It is casuing me extreme discomfort. I don't know when I'll find some avenue to release all that I have kept deep within me. There's no one to tell, no one to talk to, no one to listen. I would rather not say anything to anyone, for the fear of regreting whatever I've said.

Is it possible to find someone who can love you unconditionally? Is it possible to make anyone fall flat for you? Is it possible that no matter what happens, no matter how bad you've been, he'll forgive you? Is it possible that even when everything is really bad, his heart still beats for you? Is it possible for him to stay faithful? Is it possible that forever is true?

I am born an pessimist.

I suffer from paranoia at any opportunity.

I've learnt what is means to be hysterical.

I know how it feels to be so helpless, so pathetic, acknowledging it, yet still can't seem to pull myself out of it.

I am 19 years old. It's not going to be long before I turn 20. What have I achieved in Life? What are the things that I've learnt? I don't want to turn 20. I still prefer to be classified under the Ignorant Immature Brats category. At least I can be assured that I can be forgiven based on the fact that I'm just, merely a teenager. But once I hit 20, what is it going to be? 21 will come in no time and my parents will no longer has any say in my life in the eyes of the law. I am considered to be totally responsible for my own actions. I am forced to grow up and be mature, think mature, act mature, speak mature.

Thinking back, other than learning how to cope with stress better, deal with examinations and the preparations that come before that, openly speak in front of a public audience with composure, surf the net, know that trusting or being trusted is difficult to come by yet so fragile---breaks almost immeditely when something occurs, I'VE NOT DONE ANYTHING SPECTACULAR.

Who am I? What was I made to be?

Is my boyfriend whom I cling onto really The One? I don't seem to be able to live without him but he says that he can live without me. It has been clarified that this is not the workings of PRIDE but TRUTH. I've always been pissing him off and not fulfilling my promises to him. So, what say do I have?

I just want to forever be his baby. I need to stop, before I start tearing.