it is quite hard to believe that i survived 48 hours with only 2 hours of sleep and now i am still trying to do 209's essay. i think i have been blogging about relatively sad stuff, over the last couple of months. i am quite sick of it..

for some happy stuff to begin with, i love my marketing group. i can only say that this is the best module for this semester.

i swear i am so dead..... tomorrow is both my dooms day as well as the day of rebirth. Hahaha. 209's essay (yet to begin), 216's essay (which i have 800 words to my name currently and a long way to go...) and lastly my marketing presentation.

Eh, i am still blogging.

I am worried because I haven't been able to catch up with school work and the exams are quite near.....

Nobody can stand the test of time
People get sick and tired of your sob stories
They tend to become mundane
Against the test of time.

It gets irritating
Your tears mean nothing
So please get a hold of yourself
And stop being so stupid.

I had a relatively fantastic weekend! Late nights spent doing marketing projects, whether it was productive or not, Class95 served us well. Supper was as usual not bad. Besides, hanging out with puny Angel is a bonus.

7 years of friendship and more to come. All our friday rendezvous. I'm sorry for taking up so much time and taking so long to even begin recovering. I am even more sorry for being much of an inconvenience to both you and Nigel. But of course, I know you care for me that's why I have the privileges.

I don't know where does my stress originate from but it was really going haywire. I could even wake up gasping for breath, having nightmares and also smile at myself over some good dreams which I can no longer recall. Symptoms of stress? The swelling at the lymphnodes would hurt but my powerful mind shrugs it off quite quickly too. Much time was spent unwinding.

I have to say that I do not really know what I want. I have to also say that sometimes I cannot express myself. I cannot say things that are politically right because Jean is frank.

I just want to learn to be able to control my emotions. Be strong, and mean it. Stop saying and not doing anything about it. I feel that I have been far too proud, far too arrogant, far too loud. It is time to quieten down, to slow down, to listen and not deafen myself with all my talk.

Lastly, I thank all my friends whom have constantly been there for me. Thanks for bearing with my nonsense, my illogical talks and irrational moves. I didn't know how to cope with the overwhelming emotions and it seems like there was so much excess everywhere. I know it is tiring but thanks for not giving up on me. I will not give up on myself as I begin realising my self worth. I am capable of being happy and I will be happy.

This I promise. :)

It is finally Thursday night and I can sleep in for tomorrow. A night with more than just 4 hours of sleep. It has been a hectic week or rather hectic weeks. Though things are not being completed over here I think I can still afford to sleep tonight and simply not do anything.

Wishing things were different. Yes, but can it be different from the past and different from now? I don't want the past, neither do I want now. I know I could always call or text you and tell you what kind of fucked up life is going on here. Thinking about it, I can't. I don't want to trouble you. I know you are always there for me even though we are not a couple anymore. I tried to take good care of myself. I tried.

I realised that there is really no one that I can count on like how I counted on you in the past. Anyway, we were born alone, will die alone and therefore we are made to be alone in this world. Many will disagree because they will say that there's still family and friends and all that bullshit talk but think about it, no one stands by you. I've always thought there's a relatively big group of people who knows substantially about Edmund and I. People who saw me cry, heard me cry, seen me pray, accompanied me through my uncontrollable madness when we first broke up. I believe that know me well enough to know why it hurts. They know me well enough to accept what I do. There is no need for any explanation for my actions. I am just saying that I am disappointed because I thought there are many things that need not be said but can actually be understood. Apparently not. Apparently I was not taken seriously. Apparently I am a silly. Because it is funny. Literally funny.

I always had your encouragement and support even though it seems really ironic that we were also quarrelling most of the time.I really had the urge to call you today. I wanted to tell you... I knew you would be angry for me. I knew you'd side me. Perhaps I'll get to tell you what happened today. Perhaps not. Perhaps I will forget how it feels today but I dont think I will forget the look on their faces and the resounding laughs.

I love you. Whatever love means. And this is not for others to say as I love you the way I love. Anybody can disagree but I don't give a fuck.

Nothing in this world doesnt change. I might have done wrong. Everyone has. But I learn from my mistakes. It is only stupid to laugh at someone who has learnt from her mistakes. Don't be foolish. You are just making yourself vulnerable when you laugh at others. You make yourself open to bad karma. It is bad to curse. I did not. I am simply stating a superstition that I believe in and there is a good deal for you to believe in it too. Cause maybe then you will stop your laughs.